Saturday, February 26, 2011

Better Than The Rock

We love the Rock, and are as excited as everyone else about his return to WWE and the verbal barbs he's tossed out at John Cena. But even though we might personally prefer the Brahma Bull in this developing rivalry, is he really better than WWE's poster boy?

More Charismatic

Sure, the Rock is "The Most Electrifying Man in All of Entertainment" and generally recognized as one of the best promo men of all time. But when it comes down to it, is he really more charismatic than John Cena? The venerable Wrestling Observer Newsletter named Rocky Maivia Most Charismatic for four years straight between 1999 and 2002, which is certainly nothing to sneeze at. But the same mag not only gave Cena the same recognition for five straight years, but they also chose him as the Most Charismatic Wrestler of the Decade.

Rap Album

The Rock has appeared in wrestling rings, major motion pictures and television shows, but aside from contributing a few lines to his entrance music, the Rock has absolute zero experience in music. John Cena, however, put out his own rap album back in 2005, the way-better-than-it-has-any-right-to-be You Can't See Me.

Not in Southland Tales

For what it's worth, we love watching former boy-banders perform lavish musical numbers to ditties by mid-2000s pop-rockers, but shockingly, we're in the minority on that one. Also in the minority: People who actually saw The Rock play a simpering amnesiac in 2007's critical and commercial flop Southland Tales. Even taking into account The Marine, 12 Rounds and Legendary, Cena has never been involved with a cinematic disaster of that scale.
Topping the PWI 500

Every year, the magazine Pro Wrestling Illustrated releases an issue listing the 500 best and/or most popular wrestlers. Not surpringly, John Cena has reached the top of these rigorously scientific rankings not once, but twice in his career, both in 2006 and 2007. You're thinking "Certainly, the Rock did better than that, didn't he?" To which we would answer "No. No, he didn't. As high as that guy ever got was No. 2. And quit talking to yourself."


During his time in WWE, The Rock was involved in legendary feuds and memorable angles with some of the best wrestlers of the past 25 years. But that golden age only lasted about seven years (eight if you count his return at WrestleMania XX), falling far short of the impressive stints of many veteran wrestlers. The Undertaker, for instance, has been wrestling consistently for over 73 years. And John Cena? He's been slugging it out in WWE for a total of nine years and counting.
More Experienced Rumbler

One of WWE's best and most entertaining pay-per-views of the year is the Royal Rumble. While both the Rock and John Cena have each won a single Royal Rumble Match, Cena is much more experienced in the 30-man Battle Royals, having competed in six of the yearly matches as opposed to the Rock's measly four. Also, to our knowledge, the Rock never teamed up with a

Besting Jericho

Any wrestling fan worth his XXL black t-shirt knows that Chris Jericho was the first-ever Undisputed Champion, and that he did it by defeating both "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and the Rock on the same night. But while Jericho made history by defeating the People's Champion with his own finisher, the Rock Bottom, just a few short years later, he would be fired from WWE after losing a free television match to whom? John Cena, of course.
Two-Time Wrestler of the Year

Like my college Wrestling Appreciation professor told me, the whole thing can be a pretty subjective affair, but how about something you can't possibly argue with: The Wrestling Observer Newsletter Wrestler of the Year awards. The behind-the-scenes publication recognized Cena as the best wrestler in both 2007 and 2010, while the Rock has never once earned that honor, quantifiable proof that Cena's 2007 feud with the Great Khali was better than anything the Rock has done ever.

No Famous Family Members

The Rock would have found his way to superstardom eventually, but as the son of Rocky Johnson and the grandson of "High Chief" Peter Maivia, he had a fair bit of help in his quest for fame. While the Rock could count on his famillial connections, Cena was unable to break into the wrestling industry simply by being the son of wrestling manager Johnny Fabulous. Instead, Cena had to fall back on good old fashioned hard work, paying his dues in both Ultimate Pro Wrestling and Ohio Valley Wrestling.
Mr. WrestleMania?

When it comes to WWE's WrestleMania, both the Rock and John Cena are neck-and-neck with seven appearances on the "Grandest Stage of Them All." But while the Rock only fought for a World Title in three of his matches, Cena competed for one of wrestling's top prizes in a stunning six out of his seven appearances. Also, John Cena Tokyo-drifted a souped-up muscle car through a pane of glass at WrestleMania years before the Rock got fast and/or furious.

More Merchandise

The Rock had a bucketfull of catchphrases and a bunch of t-shirts to go with them, but his sales always sat raising one eyebrow in the shadow of "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. These days, Cena is WWE's merchandising cash cow, and he's about much more than just t-shirts, boasting hats and various sweatbands. In fact, some reports say that Cena is second only to Austin in terms of overall merch sales. And just look at all those different colors!

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